each day

Life moves.

What was once true is no more
Each moment brings a new world,each year a new dimension,each action a new realty.

Knowing your place,knowing what is true,a task greater than Sophocles'. Do you trust someone else or your lieing eyes?

Your labor a trifle, your trouble a luxury, you mew your plight to the world hoping you are special that the world will favor you above all others.

Your truths are not new truths, they are not special but they are yours. Flawed,confused,trusting yourself is the only sane choice. Trusting yourself is the hard choice.

Trusting yourself is right even when you ate wrong.


I am almost there.

I will post it soon. and I am embarrassed by my soul, by what I feel but I can not turn aside. It is who I am.

it is my fondest wish.

Almost a year

Almost a year since I moved to this city.

MY city.

this is no longer san francisco - this is home. I know the streets, I know the places, I know the people. I know who I am.

I have never had the feelings for a place like I do for sf. I have never felt so at peace with a place, so delighted just to live where I live.

SF is a lover, a friend, a teacher. SF is a place of peace for my raging soul, a garden of growth for my wounded self, a
den of delight for hungry my intellect.

3/8/09 - a day.

Last week through my life into question. this weekend was an affermation of who I am,of what I am doing.

Before you can have the answer you must ask the question.

too much to detail now, too much to not mention.

Mimes,friend,country men lend me your sausage. For this is the winter of our deepest content. better to dance in the sun than to never have danced at all.

When did it all go right?

Monkeysage is now EFNG

yup. This is still matt/mrbuttboy/what have you. Now know as efng. More to follow later, as if anyone cares too much but the name change sprung itself on me, just went and changed a couple accounts to efng. I didn't have much choice really.

Eternal Fucking New Guy at your service.

(no subject)

This past sunday I was at a party, sitting around having a good time, just enjoying myself. Little did I suspect the danger I was in. The 2 small containers appeared on the table and seemed harmless when opened. Inside they contain what appeared to be merely ice cream: one white with black specs, the other a smooth,pale green.

I was told the names: "Salt & Pepper" ice cream and "Thai chili lime" sorbet. "Surely these are just names for some other ice cream." No, no it wasn't. It was salt and pepper ice cream, it was Thai chili lime sorbet. And it was AMAZING.

I can not do them justice, I can not describe what they were like. It was as if a musical was in my mouth, as if I was high. It was 2 separate parts of my brain coming together to talk that just don't see each other often. It wasn't something you eat, it was something to experience.

What did they taste like? Like what they were named, no more can be said. To try and describe individual elements would be a crime. What I can say is that, for me, it was wonderful. I am still talking about it a week later.

Go to the store and try some. Here is their website and a list of what they have:


A leaf on the wind

If you are lucky, there is a moment when you "get it". A moment when everything just flows right,when obstacles just melt before you no matter how difficult. When walls become windows, doors become archways. If your blessed you are aware of it when it happens.

We don't get to choose these moments, when they start or when they end. All we get is the chance to have those moments, the chance to be them. In those moments we are the will of the universe, the heart of the world. In those moments we are gods.

Tiny moments. Walking for the first time, driving for the first time, loving for the first time. So small the the stars that shine at night do not shake, so small walls do not crumble, so small no one notices.

Just a leaf on the wind, see how you fly.

25 things

This virus found me on facebook and I spent enough time thinking about it, I thought I would put it here. I'll just drop the payload here and spare you the vector. So here are 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about me.

Collapse )

Can the amazing become commonplace?

There is a moment when you see the difference. there is a point in time when you realize your world is different.

when you realize you dreams are made manifest there is a moment of virtgo. when you see the world that you dream and the world that you live are one and the same.

I can not say enough,I can not speak the words you will hear. my second family , my second life is more than I ever wished.

I am happy.